Are You Afraid Of Success?
It is well documented that many people fail to achieve their goals in life due to the phenomenon known as “fear of failure” but are you aware that a major factor that is often overlooked, is a state known as “fear of success”?
Fear of failure will lead many people into inertia – the inability to make decision or take action in case they receive rejection or negative outcomes. This mental state is fairly easy to identify and there are many tools in the personal development industry to help combat this plague and reprogram the mind for success.
However, the fear of success is much more subtle, harder to spot and also harder to eradicate.
Perhaps you have this tendency in your life. Here are some indications of a fear of success mentality.
Studying and trying to implement self-improvement techniques and/or personal development tools but your life does not improve or may even get worse.
You settle for less than you feel you deserve or are capable of achieving.
You start new projects full of enthusiasm and optimism but wane in your efforts or stop short before you have completed them.
You expect things to go wrong no matter how well the situation appears to be at the moment.
Can you identify your own patterns in the any of the above statements?
The fear of success can also make you behave in ways that hold you back. Look at the list below. These are ethe symptoms of the fear of success.
Procrastination – putting off what needs to be done or not doing what you know will bring you closer to your desired result. Everyone suffers from this inner ‘demon’ at some point in their lives (although some of us suffer from it more than others!).
Procrastination is a ‘success killer’! How can you expect to reach your destination if you do not take steps towards it? Strive to do little things each day that will bring you small steps closer to your goal. This is why having a personal development plan is an essential ingredient in the fight against procrastination. Take action! Any action! Refine your steps as you go along but do not sit and do nothing. Taking action is one of the key aspects in personal development.
Can’t see the forest for the trees! – this is almost the opposite of procrastination but has the same effect on your personal development. The aforementioned saying is well known but have you ever given it real consideration?
Don’t get caught up in your plan believing that it is more important than the materialised goal! For many years I got caught in this trap. I started to think and act as though my plan was more important than my end result and thus missed many opportunities to alter my path and reach my goals more quickly! Let go of your ego and allow the Universe to show you a quicker route to your goal. Remain flexible.
Thinking that the time is not right – have you ever waited until the timing was perfect before starting a venture? Have you ever waited until you had more information on a better plan?
Again ACTION is the key to the door to success. Taking small steps forward are better than taking none or waiting to see if your foot is landing on the right spot! Even if your actions take you away from your goal you have at least gained insight and knowledge about what does not work!
Being a perfectionist – this is similar to the point above and has the same effect, namely, that you never really move forward. No matter how good a job is when its finished it can always be improved! I have heard many great musicians tell how they hate listening to their own songs because they can find a million things that need improved.
Yet, we still enjoy them. I think a classic example of this is “Bridge Over Troubled Water” by Paul Simon. This song is hauntingly beautiful yet Mr. Simon does not think its good enough!
Seeing only problems – how do you use your focus? Do you constantly see only and all the problems involved? If you are this way inclined it is pointless trying to change overnight! However, you can use this mindset to your advantage while you strive in your personal development to acquire an opportunistic frame of mind instead.
“How can you use seeing only problems to my advantage?” you say. “Easily”, is my reply! Look at the problems and prepare a plan to deal with them. Every time you overcome one congratulate yourself. Use them as a gauge for your achievements.
If you keep seeing more problems remind yourself of how well you dealt with the others. Look at how far you have come! If you see a problem ask yourself, “how best can I overcome this challenge?” or “how quickly can I rectify this situation?”.
The quality of your questions are important as I have outlined in a previous article. Use the problems as fact finders. Is there a real problem now? If so then deal with it. Is it a potential problem? If so then create a contingency plan in case it does occur but don’t get caught up in it just be prepared.
Enjoy the journey, follow the above guidelines and you will achieve success. Eventually your fear of success will dissipate and you will have moved a long way forward in your personal development.
Are You Living The Successful Life You Want?
Have you wondered why you continue with life as usual, even though you are not experiencing enough happiness, and you know you want things to be different?
Your full happiness and satisfaction with life is largely based on the natural expression of yourself.
That’s great you say, so why does it seem so hard to set up my life to fully express myself the way I really want?
There are some very natural and normal aspects of you that tend to block change. We all have the ability to change, as we desire, it’s just that we succumb to the ‘forces’ within us that seem to want things to stay as they are.
A large reason for being stuck in place, suffering from anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, and stress is that you do not fully understand what you are up against and how to deal with it.
Here are some of the main factors keeping you where you are.
1. Already A Success
First we need to establish that you actually are completely successful right now whether you feel like it or not. You are always successful at living; your current life experience is clear evidence of this.
Your life experience is the result of your thoughts and actions, and you are actually always thinking and doing something. Even if you call it nothing!
And every thought and action has a result, an outcome that is its evidence.
The question is, are you totally successful at the life you really want?
If not, how can you be?
The key here is to discover new thinking and behaviors that provide the outcomes you want, and replace them for what you are doing now.
You can read about what could produce the results you want, but one of the most effective ways is to model what has proven to work for others.
2. Blocking Change
Another important point to clarify is this; everything that exists is always in motion, constantly changing, and this should include you and I. But we seem to want the opposite, for everything to remain as much the same as possible.
Plus, there is a part of our natural human thought that wants to protect us and keep us safe from any form of displeasure and even disruption. This is what most call the ego, that part of our mind that helps protect our fragile self concept, our feeling, and the picture the ego holds of us.
This ego also comes into play when you are trying to change something about yourself which it senses as uncomfortable because it is unknown or may disrupt the habits already established. The ego doesn’t want you to feel uncomfortable.
How can you override, go around or through the ego to make the changes you desire.
With this you will need to take command of your thinking manually yourself. Your ego has had free range up to this point, so expect the possibility some mental and emotional resistance.
Developing strong deeply seated compelling reasons for the changes, you will find the drive to persist as you are taking command from your ego.
When you find examples of what is effective for others you gain a confidence that bolsters your determination. It’s feels more definite knowing that what you are attempting at least has worked for others.
3. Once A Body Is In Motion . . .
Science tells us it is likely to keep in motion.
You keep doing the same things you have always done because that’s what you know how to do.
Your thought patterns, how you perceive things, and how you interpret things is all the product of years of gradual accumulation, one piece building upon another.
All that you have accumulated in your mind from your experiences is what you know, and it’s the basis of all your thought and action.
So it’s easy to see how you will likely keep operating from the same basis as you always have, because that’s what you know and what you are mentally and emotionally comfortable with.
And yes, even if you really want some things to be different, your mind will automatically keep using your history to shape your future.
It’s a lot like a mile long train barreling down the tracks at 60 miles an hour. Once it’s moving it’s hard to stop and it’s staying on the track that’s already been laid!
You will need to discover and implement new habits that better serve your desired outcomes. The tough part of this is that you will tend to keep filtering everything through your existing perceptions. This makes it tough to figure out exactly what to do when it includes things you are not familiar and experienced with.
A powerful method for determining exactly what to do is to copy people who are already successful. This way you are not stuck trying to figure it all out on your own, using only the experience and ‘tools’ you have accumulated.
4. Repeating Habits
Everything you think and do is based on habit, you can label it good or bad, but it is habitual.
If you do nothing to these self-perpetuating habits that you have accumulated, they will just keep on going and get stronger and stronger.
Habits are just a series of thoughts and actions that are tied together and automatically played like a computer program triggered by specific related circumstance.
It is normal for most people to allow them to run automatically, life would be far more complex if we always made new decisions each time something came up.
However, we usually have allowed many things to habitually occur that we are not even aware of, or think we can change.
Here the big question becomes what should you change to, when you want something different than what you now experience?
Further, you may question the validity of what you think up for new habits, as to whether they are worth your efforts and will reveal the results you want.
The example of others is the most straightforward way to find actions that have desirable results. This is how you learned most of your current thinking and behavior as you have developed up to this point. You just haven’t consciously chosen much of it.
You can determine what to actually do by looking at the desirable evidence in the life of someone successful. And now make the conscious choice about what you want in your life.
OK, so you have some ideas about the life you want to live, that’s usually the easy part.
It’s coming up with the new effective thinking and behavior that leads to the results you want that can be tricky. Particularly when all your current habits with your collected body of knowledge and experience supports what you now have, not what you want.
It will take some determination at first to take command of your thinking from your ego as it wants to keep the status quo and is protective of your comfort.
Soften your doubts and fears about change by finding proven thinking, habits and success traits.
Learning from the study of successful people supports your change efforts in a few ways:
· You will have more confidence and determination in pursuing something that you’ve seen work.
· You are not relying only on your existing body of knowledge and experience to create something new.
· Modeling others is the most natural learning method your brain already possesses.
· You now can choose what to model based on specific outcomes.
· Discover things you may not have even thought of yet.
· Fast track your growth progress.
· Less fear knowing others can and have already done it.
· Quicker to decide and take action on something with proven results.
· Less time wasted on indecisiveness and confusion.
· What to visualize for yourself.
· Increase your self-awareness and motivation.
· Improve your positive attitude and self-confidence.
Think, what if the auto manufacturers had to re-invent the wheel with each year’s new cars?
Why do this with your life, when you can use what others have already discovered and proven!
Existing successful people are your greatest resource for what you can and should be doing in order to live the success you desire.
Are You Positive or Negative?
Some years ago, I read a report which described the behavior of a football coach during a very tense finals game. The antics of the losing coach gave a very good insight into why his team did not win and in fact loses many close games.
In part, report read “He was at his over-emotional worst at Lancaster Park on Sunday. The eyes rolled more wildly than ever, he stalked the sideline. Not even the television cameras were safe from his flaying arms.
His antics sent a damaging message to his team: that the fates are conspiring against them and they are, somehow, destined to lose. And for the second week in a row they lost a critical game.”
The winning coach on the other hand “ … sat impassively in the stands. The sign he gave to his players with this emotionless posture was that if the players wanted to win, they had to do it themselves. And they did. Just.”
Both these coaches were very experienced and knowledgeable about the game. Both had got their teams to the finals. But why did one coach’s team always lose the close games and the other always win?
It all has to do with the positive or negative outlook we take and which can dramatically impact those around us. Often we are not aware of the messages we are sending through our actions. Psychologists call this a Locus of Control (first developed by Julian Rotter, 1966). Locus of Control refers to a person’s perception of the main causes of the events in their life.
For example, do you believe that your destiny is controlled by yourself (“I did it myself”) or by external forces such as fate or other people? (“It was their fault”) Put simply, if you believe that your behavior is guided by your personal decisions and efforts, then you are said to be more internally focused, i.e. you have an internal locus of control.
On the other hand, if you believe that your behavior is guided by fate, luck, or other external circumstances, then you are said to have an external locus of control.
Is one better than the other? That’s always the $64,000 question in psychology. But generally, people with an internal locus of control tend to have greater influence on their motivation, expectations, self-esteem, risk-taking behavior, and even on the actual outcome of their actions.
As you would expect, some studies also suggest that people with an internal locus of control tend to be more positive in their behavior and outlook.
Can you tell what your locus of control is? Perhaps the people who know you well can answer this best for you. But there are also a number of short tests freely available on the web (for example; http://www.dushkin.com/connectext/psy/ch11/survey11.mhtml or http://www.queendom.com/tests/personality/lc_access.html) that you can take. These only take a few minutes to complete and will also give you a good guide.
The second, and probably more important question is: That if you decide that you need to be more internally focussed, can you change your locus of control?
The answer is an unequivocal, “Yes”. Many studies have shown that our locus of control is a learned behavior and as such, can be changed. My own experience in working as a coach to club, national and international rowing coaches, is that training coaches by getting them to change their behavior with their athletes, can improve the positive outlook they display within 12 months!
This approach has also been successful in my role as a training consultant in the work environment with new and aspiring managers who were looking to improve the motivation of their team (first look at thyself!).
Finally, how does one change one’s locus of control and consequently one’s outlook? There are a number of training programs available that use effective behavioural change methods to help move people from a more external focus to a more internal focus.
But, if you want a very simple method that you can start applying straight away, then changing the words you use in every day conversations can have a major impact.
For instance, getting rid of the word “don’t” from your vocabulary and replacing it with the positive image of what you are suggesting, starts to make you far more positive in your outlook.
Take a look at the following short statements and see what images you get when you read each one …
• Don’t drop it.
• Don’t walk on the grass.
• In case of fire do not use lifts.
In the first statement, the only image that comes to mind is the picture of “dropping something” (and quite often the negative consequences of what we have just done and our previous negative experiences of dropping something, particularly when we were children).
The image that the second statement conjures up is of a person “walking on the grass”, not the footpath as the message intends (“footpath” is never mentioned!).
And in the third example, the only thing we can visualize is the “lift”. In fact, studies have shown that when there is a fire emergency and the vestibule or foyer starts to fill with smoke, the only word that people recognize in these types of signs, is “lift” and they immediately head straight for the lift and not the emergency exit as was intended.
As a result, some authorities have now changed their signage to read “In case of fire, use the emergency exit pictured in this diagram” (notice that in this new example the word “lift” is not used at all).
Start to get the picture? Each of the original statements immediately has both the speaker and the receiver visualizing and thinking of exactly the opposite (and negative) action that should be taken.
However, by eliminating the word “don’t” and replacing it with the positive action you intend as outlined below, the speaker starts to think (and behave) more positively and impacts his or her audience more positively, and thus becomes more internally focused.
Look at the way a person with an internal locus of control, might express the three statements …
• Hold on to the glass very carefully.
• Walk on the footpath.
• In case of fire use the fire exit described in the following diagram.
In these new statements, both the sender and the receiver get the positive message immediately.
Can this technique work for you? I did some follow up interviews with the athletes of the rowing coaches I had been training 12 months after the start of their training. Without exception, the athletes all expressed the theme that “She has really changed over the last 12 months.
We are not sure what you included in your training with our coach, but she is so much more positive these days. We really enjoy being coached by her”.
Is it easy to replace “don’t” with a positive image? In theory, yes. But in my own case, it took me about 12 months. Occasionally, I still find myself using a “don’t”, but when I do, an “alarm bell” goes off in my brain and I immediately rephrase my statement to the positive image I want to get across.
As a result, over the last few years, people have commented to me “Bob, you seem to be such a positive person. Even when you are faced with adversity or a real problem , you always seem to take a positive approach. I really enjoy working with you”.
We all wish to be successful and yet somehow we seem to be missing the target. In this article we will show you how to become more successful in all your endeavors.
Success often eludes many people. Like the inevitable pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, people set their hearts on following their dreams only to wake up disappointed.
Disappointment can be crushing to people. They sit and wonder what on earth they did wrong. They may have a strong belief in that pot of gold, but a dream alone cannot make your visions a reality.
You may have read a myriad of books and followed all the rules and imagined yourself as the successful person that you want to be. Your vision may be crystal clear and that is a good thing. The Bible says, “Without a vision the people perish”. The problem remains that envisioning yourself as successful is not enough.
What are your dreams?
What are you hopes for the future?
Have you ever written them down?
If you could be anything that you wanted to be and go where you wanted to go, who would you be? What would you be like? Where would you be living?
I want you to take a few moments now and write down the answer to these questions. Be as specific as you can so you can visualize these things as being true today. Crystallize these ideals in your mind.
Don’t cheat here, this is an important exercise, now go and write the answers down on a piece of paper, or better still in a book. You can call this your Dream Book to Success.
Now ask yourself this question: What do I need to do in order to live the life I dream of?
What do I need to do to make my dreams a reality?
The first step is to make sure you do not put off the vision too far in the distance. Don’t live on tomorrow’s sunshine. At the same time, don’t expect to have a change overnight. There is no magic pill that is going to bring about your dream. There is no easy road that will bring you to the Emerald City.
Someone once said “the road to success is filled with hard knocks” and this is reality.
You CAN achieve your dreams only if you systematically prepare yourself to receive them. You also must believe that you CAN receive them.
Henry Ford said, “If you think you can you can, and if you think you can’t, you can’t”
If you believe that you CAN achieve your dreams then it’s time for you to start planning on how you are going to make your dreams of success come true. Don’t let fear sabotage your thinking. If you have faith, you can move mountains! Sometimes though a mountain must be moved a piece at a time.
This takes planning. No amount of wishful thinking will get you what you want. Your vision may be crystal clear but with out a plan it’s just a dream. You need to plan your life in order to get the results you wish for.
You need to set goals for yourself. I know, you hate the thought of setting goals, but unless you put it down in writing and give it a date, it won’t happen. I can guarantee it.
Do you see yourself as slim and sitting on a beach somewhere? Well if you need to lose weight, dreaming isn’t going to make it happen. You must write down your goal for losing weight.
In order for my dream to come true I must lose __________ pounds. This is a good start. Now visualize yourself standing in front of a mirror weighing your perfect weight. Doesn’t that feel good?
This is your target, your dream, your vision. Now ask yourself, in order to reach that goal, what steps do I need to take today. Is it reasonable to say to yourself that you could lose 10 pounds a month? Too much? How about 4 pounds a month? Can you make a decision to yourself to lose 1 pound a week. In a year that would be 52 pounds! If you lost 2 pounds a week that would be 104 pounds!
See how much you can do by breaking your goals down to bite size pieces. Your mountain can literally be moved piece by piece, or pound by pound in this example.
Voila ! Success!
Creating Greater Success Through Reflection
If I could give you a tool or resource that would change your life in positive ways, change your results, create more happiness in your life and help you get better at anything you desired . . . And if I could promise you that this tool would cost you nothing, require only yourself and could be used at any time . . .
Would you be interested?
I’ll bet you would.
Now at the risk of sounding a little bit like a carnival barker or used car salesperson what I just told you isn’t hype – there is such a tool. And you already possess it.
The tool is reflection.
I’m sure that you know people that have been on a job for 10 years and have continued to get better and better at their work and you probably also know people who have been on a job for ten years, but it is like they have one year of experience, ten times.
In other words, they never really reflected on their work and results and so nothing seems to get better. They don’t seem to learn from their past experiences.
Which of these people would you hire? Which of these people do you want on your team?
But I’m Too Busy
The number one reason I hear for people not reflecting is that they are too busy. They are too busy moving from task to task, from project to project, and event to event. When they recount this challenge to me they end by asking, “When would I have time to reflect?”
Our lives are much different than were the lives our grandparents. 75 or 100 years ago in the evening people would gather around a table or sit on the front porch and sip iced tea and visit about their day. What they were doing was relaxing and, while not in a very structured way, they were reflecting on their day.
We all know that this type of reflection works because as one of the things we ask our children when they come home from school is “How was your day?”
We say we are too busy – that the reason we don’t reflect is that we don’t have porch time. Somehow we do find television time – and while there is nothing wrong with television – it doesn’t allow us the space, time or opportunity to reflect as we sit watching it.
Time is typically our excuse, but it isn’t the only reason we don’t reflect. We also don’t reflect because:
We don’t think about it.
We don’t realize the importance of it.
We don’t value it.
We don’t think we know how to do it.
Hopefully reading this helps you get past the first reasons. Let me deal now with the last one – the issue of skill.
We all know how to reflect, consider . . .
Sitting around a table with friends playing a card game. In between hands, people are talking about what they could have done, should’ve done, might’ve done – all of this conversation is simple reflection.
And while some people playing the game don’t like to “over analyze it,” spending that time in conversation about what just happened will make us better card players in the future.
Or for those in a different generation, the reflection is the time they take between two rounds in a video game as they quickly think about what happened and how they do it differently the next time.
Golfers quickly analyze their swing as they watch the trajectory of their shots, thinking about what worked and what they might adjust.
And we do it at work, thinking about how the meeting or presentation went as we leave and move to the next item on our calendar.
So we know how, and we even do it sometimes, but how can we use this skill more successfully more often?
How to Reflect More Effectively
Make time. Reflection is about having time. We all have the time, regardless of how busy are schedules are. Reflect in the shower. Reflect on the drive to work (turn off your radio or your iPod and think). Reflect in the moments before you go to sleep. Reflect with your family as you eat a meal. Turn off the television. There is time – we just have to carve it out.
Ask questions. Reflection is about thinking and questions help our brains think. Consider using his list of questions as your “starter set” of reflective questions – the questions to help you think about what happened and what you can learn.
What worked? Why?
What didn’t work? Why?
What does this situation remind you of?
How can I use this experience?
How does this experience relate to other situations I’ve been in? What can I learn for that situation?
Knowing what I know now, what would I do differently next time?
Think more broadly. Don’t just apply your thinking to how you would do this exact same task or respond in this exact same situation the next time. Our lives are too complex for that! Think about what you can take from this experience and apply to other related or perhaps even unrelated situations.
Look for generalizations, patterns, tendencies and underlying principles. When we think more broadly we make our reflection time infinitely more beneficial to our lives.
This is some of my reflection on reflection. As we practice this skill we will get better at it and our results will begin to improve dramatically. Make the time. Ask the questions. And by all means apply what you learned.
When you do this, you will make your life experiences your most precious source of learning, and your most fertile ground for your own success.
Developing the “Both and” Mindset
Clients often share a situation or challenge with me and as their consultant they ask me to advise them on a course of action. Often during the conversation, the Client will identify two distinctly different courses of action – that may at first seem to be in opposition. The question is basically formatted as an “either or” question – “Should I do A or B?”
Often, my answer is “yes.” After getting a confused look, I explain that the answer lies not in one or the other of the alternatives, but in exploring and doing both. This is what I call “both and” thinking. Collins and Porras in their book Built to Last call it “avoiding the Tyranny of the OR, and embracing the Genius of AND.”
“Either or” thinking is pervasive in our world. Let’s take the example of the common phrase, “black or white.” When we think of black or white, we often try to balance by looking for the “shades of gray” – thinking that in balance or compromise we will find the right solution. This is seldom the most valuable approach. My suggestion is to consider black and white.
That “either or” solution inevitably leads to suboptimal solutions, and under satisfying compromises. Balance is not found in some murky middle ground, but rather by dedicating our focus to both ends of the spectrum.
Black and white.
We can take this concept beyond the philosophical and find specific ways to use “both and” thinking in all parts of our lives. Below is a list of 10 “both and” combinations that will make you a better leader of yourself and others.
Strengths and weaknesses. What we receive feedback, we typically focus on our weaknesses and work to improve in those areas. This is fine, but if all of our effort is focused here, and none is focused on valuing and strengthening our strengths, we are not investing our time and effort in the most effective way. Are there weaknesses to improve? Of course there are. But think too of your strengths and build those.
Timeless and new. New ideas are seductive, and we must be mindful of and willing to move forward with new ideas. But we can’t focus on the new without a bedrock of timeless principles to guide us. History does repeat itself, so when we find the timeless principles in the new ideas; we will gain even greater clarity and create greater progress.
Expert and novice. Have a problem to solve? Consider having an expert help you think it through. Consider also bringing someone in with no prior knowledge or preconceived ideas about the situation. Expert and novice. Both bring value to a problem solving challenge or innovation opportunity.
Inform and listen. Great communicators do more than inform. They also listen. Great communicators are not great because they can do one or the other of these exceptionally well, but because they can do both exceptionally well.
Demanding and supportive. As a leader of ourselves or others we need to be demanding and tough because clear expectations are important and motivating. Results are needed. However, if we drive for the results without supporting people and their feelings, ultimately people won’t reach their true potential.
Goals and serendipity. To succeed at the highest levels we must have a target in mind, a vision, a goal. The most successful people have clear goals and continue to listen for the knock of opportunity. They value the serendipitous moment and meeting, and recognize that in those moments their goals might be adjusted re-prioritized or otherwise change. Simply leaving our lives to serendipity will not create the greatest results. Conversely, remaining it rigidly goal focused, may preclude us from seeing many great opportunities.
Task and process. The work must be done – the task is important. However, thinking of the process, the flow, and how the work is done is equally important. If we solely focus on getting out the work we’ll miss opportunities to improve the process and make it easier, more productive and more enjoyable. On the other hand, if we spend all of our time planning the process, we will never get results. Maintain both a task and process focus.
Strategy and tactics. We must plan. Strategy is important. But we also must take action. Tactics are imperative. The most successful people and leaders value strategy in the context of actionable tactics that moved them towards those strategic ideals.
Customer focus and employee focus. Some organizations feel that the Customer is always right and all work should be done in service for the Customer. Others feel that if they treat their employees right, the Customers will ultimately be satisfied. These are not diametrically opposed ideas. Clearly, Customers and employees are the two most valuable assets any business holds. Focus on them both.
Individual and team. Individual talent, performance and productivity are critical; however individual success cannot trump synergistic collaboration. Work on building individual skills, and empower educate and support teams as well.
I could add to this list, but hopefully you already see the wisdom of “both and” thinking. Chances are, as you begin to value and create this mindset for yourself, you will find more and more of these combinations that you can apply.
The “both and” mindset will help you become more successful and paradoxically create greater clarity and balance in your life. Take the time to think about and nurture this mindset today.
Fake Your Destiny with Great Success
Everyone talks about how to be successful through hard work and effort. Forget that! I’m going to take a different approach. I’m going to show you how to lose all your hard earned money and fake your own death (I mean destiny), and be successful at it.
Step 1: Be a Sissy
Being a sissy has nothing to do with physical strength and everything to do with mental strength. I know you want to be successful but you’re too afraid to make a commitment to your dream. You’re scared to take chances. You’re scared to make choices. You want everything to be perfect before you can “take a risk”.
Yeah, right! That day will come when Hell and my mother’s famous spicy hot Sancocho soup freezes (author’s note: my money is on Hell freezing over first).
Nonetheless, don’t do anything until one of the following has occurred: All the stars in the constellation have aligned themselves perfectly, you’ve spotted a once extinct Dodo bird, or someone absolutely guarantees you that you will not fail. Until one of these things are in place, don’t do anything…be a sissy.
Step 2: Listen to Stupid People
Oh, this is one of my favorite. There are two types of people out there: successful and happy. By successful, I mean someone who has a career and is financially secure. By happy I mean someone who has found their “happy place” and enjoys where they’re at in life.
The latter has less do with money, and more do to with life style. Knowing this, here’s the key: never, I mean NEVER listen to successful or happy people. They’ll just make you nauseous with their ideas and strategies for getting what you want out of life.
Instead, listen to friends and family members who are either broke or unhappy. That way if you fail, and chances are that you will, you’ll at a minimum have them for company. And we know that misery loves company. Also if you fail using their advice, you can always blame it on them (See Rule 9 for more details).
Step 3: Wait for Divine Intervention
Yes, another strategy on how to lose your money and fake destiny is to simply wait for the ‘invisible hand’ of fate to pass over you and bless you with immense abundance. Yes, go ahead pray and ask God (whoever and whatever that is to you) to rain down upon you all that you deserve.
Sit back, do nothing and wait for something to great to happen. Yes, your needs far outweigh those of people in other countries who are dying from HIV, hunger, violence, etc. Don’t feel guilty. Make your demand on God and if you’re so inclined, you might want to give Him a deadline because you’re in a hurry.
But remember, don’t lift a finger to help yourself, you might offend Him by being so impatient.
Step 4: Develop a Need to Mimic
Desmond Morris wrote a fantastic book called “The Human Ape”. If you haven’t read it, you are depriving yourself of a primitive experience and pleasure. Morris talks about the need for humans to mimic in order to feel accepted or more worthy.
So, what I want you to do in order for you to lose your money and fake your destiny is look around you and buy whatever your friends or colleagues are buying. But the extravagant cars, the luxurious museum (I mean house), take all the trips you want to exotic places.
What about money? Who cares! The point here is that you want to mimic or copy what every one else is doing. Money and debt are nuisances you shouldn’t have to worry about. What about credit card companies? So what you owe them money, they’re crooks who already have too much money; they don’t need yours.
Step 5: Take Advantage of People
Here’s a great tip. Forget about being considerate and to hell with the “golden rule”. If you can use somebody, do it. If you can take advantage of a situation, do it. Consequences?! Bah! Why bother with such silly notions; they’re so inconvenient. For all you care, you’ll probably never have to deal with them again.
And if it’s in a work environment, all the better, screw them any way you can. They probably deserve it for being so dang naive. The basic premise is this, the next time you in a position to really abuse another fellow human being, don’t think twice, just do it!
Step 6: Invent Your Own Reality
Ooh, I like this one. To hell with reality, create your own. When someone says, “You’re not being realistic”, ignore them – they’re an idiot. When someone tries to warn you that your overspending and your debts are mounting, just go out and shop some more…you’ll feel better.
Remember also that money is the root of all evil and no one should have to really save or keep any around for a rainy day. And, even when everyone is telling you you’re wrong, ignore them because they ALL can’t be right! And more than likely, they simply don’t have the same bright, pink outlook on life you have. Dismiss those fools.
Step 7: Never Keep a Commitment Again
The next time you make a promise, just remember that it really isn’t a commitment. A promise is an agreement to do something but you reserve the right to change your mind without notifying the other party (aka The When it’s Convenient Rule). And yes, it’s OK to over-promise and under-deliver.
The Convenient Rule still applies. When you tell someone you’d show up to a meeting or an engagement, remember that it’s OK to change your mind, again, without the need to notify the other party. Commitments are so restrictive that you should allow yourself the flexibility to abide by or ignore them whenever you feel like it.
What if others complain? They’re just being insensitive to your ‘spontaneity’ and free spirit….envious bastards.
Step 8: Blame it on the ISM
The next time things don’t go your way or you missed out on some promotion or raise, blame it on an “ISM”. There are plenty to choose from. RacISM, SexISM, AgeISM, etc. Remember it’s never your responsibility to create wealth and opportunity.
Someone should always look out for you because you’ve been handicapped (i.e., with an ISM) by the unfairness of society. Someone should also make amends and remunerations for your inconvenience should be made to you. Don’t forget to always complain about how “the man” won’t let you succeed.
And always blame your failing on some corporate guy with a nice suit and tie. They’re always guilty of something. They’re all liars and cheats waiting to be exposed.
Step 9: It’s Never Your Problem
No matter how bad you perform or don’t perform at all, it isn’t your fault (Corollary to Rule 8). It’s never your problem. It’s always someone else’s deal. And if you can’t find a warm body to blame it on, use someone who’s dead.
Dead people are useful for blaming things on because they can’t dismiss the accusation and you feel better since it isn’t your fault. If you can’t find any dead people to blame it on, use the ultimate trump card, the Universe (or Cosmos). Either one is good enough when it comes to blame.
Just blame your misfortune on some ‘weird existential vibe’ thing that can’t be defined. And if someone doesn’t believe you they’re just being insensitive and ignorant of an existence of a ‘much higher level’ where you can’t be held responsible.
Follow these nine rules and I guarantee you that you will lose your money and fake your destiny with GREAT SUCCESS.
Gratitude & The Law Of Attraction
The Law of Attraction works in a very simple way. Whatever you place your attention on grows bigger. Put another way – you get more of what you focus on! Or, put another way – what your attention rests on expands! This is the very foundation upon which the Law of Attraction works.
In order to fully utilize this law and, thus create the life you want, you need to be very careful about where you are placing your attention. You need to be aware that all the negative or positive thoughts you are having are creative.
The Law makes no differentiation between positive and negative. If a thought, any thought, is maintained for a mere 60 seconds the Law of Attraction immediately begins the manifestation of that thought. Every single time!
So regardless of what it is you are thinking about, no matter what it is, it only takes 60 seconds to begin manifesting it. This sounds great to the beginner. Wow, 60 seconds to the life of your dreams.
All you have to do is sit quietly for 60 seconds, think about what you want and the Law of Attraction will bring it to you effortlessly. However, it gets a little more complicated than that!
When most people first learn about the Law of Attraction they think that they can visualize living in a mansion, driving a jaguar, owning a jet and marrying a model etc. and then just sit back and wait on the effortless results that will follow.
However, they fail to realize that every thought is creative – not just the good ones! If you visualize the life of your dreams for just 60 seconds you begin to manifest it. This is totally true. “Well”, you may say, “I have imagined living my dream life for a lot longer than 60 seconds.
In fact I have dreamt about it all my life sometimes spending hours lost in my fantasy and it still hasn’t come true”. To this I simply say – Every Thought Is Creative!
Spending time visualizing your ideal life is great but do you sustain those thoughts throughout the rest of your day. Or, do you go around complaining about how bad things are? My guess is, if you don’t have the life of your dreams, then you do the latter!
These negative thoughts are also creative and are much more abundant in the majority of people. If the thoughts are backed with high emotion then they manifest even faster! You literally cancel out the good work you have done in your visualization.
You are storing up great things for yourself but through your dominant negative thinking you are keeping them away from you!
Now, don’t get me wrong, visualization is an extremely powerful tool that can and will totally transform your life, but only when you use it in accordance with the Law. The Law of Attraction always works. It never sleeps and it never fails. It is an unbending Universal Principle.
Every thought is creative. Every single one. Therefore you need to change your dominant mental patterns before you can see any real tangible results from consciously trying to use this law.
So how do we do that?
By changing your focus. You must change the way you view your world. See the world as a nasty, unforgiving, greedy, violent place and that is what you will attract more of. Begin to look for the beauty that is around you. Look for the abundance even if you are not fully experiencing it in your own life right now.
Look for the things you want. Try to notice all the people who are currently enjoying the life you want to live and rejoice in their good fortune.
So how do we do that?
Simple! You get into a place of gratitude for what you already have. What you focus on you get more of and what you place your attention on expands! By being grateful for what is in your life at the moment you put our attention on what you like and you get more of it.
By feeling good about areas of your life that are working you are sending out very positive thoughts that the Law of Attraction immediately begins to manifest. What you focus on you get more of and what you place your attention on expands!!!
Are you starting to see the power of gratitude and how it can work wonders?
If, on the other hand, you allow your attention and focus to center around the things that are not working in your life then they will expand and you will get more of what you don‘t want. Think about this seriously. Give it some real contemplation.
Can you identify areas in your life where this has happened or is continuing to happen now? The sayings in our everyday language sum up this Universal Law, “it never rains but it pours”, “when something goes wrong, everything goes wrong”, “Murphy’s law at work again” etc.
If you get jealous over another person’s good fortune then you are actually affirming that you don‘t have what they do and focusing your attention on your own lack! However, by having gratitude for what you do have and rejoicing in another’s good fortune you are actually focusing your attention on what you do want and ….. What you focus on you get more of and what you place your attention on expands!
So be grateful for what you do have. Be happy for another person’s success. Show gratitude all the time and your focus will be on the positive and your attention will be placed on what you want. Your attitude will change when your attention is squarely placed on the things in life that you want and you do this through gratitude. So to keep you on track and in an attitude of gratitude always remember these two aspects of the law.
If a thought is maintained for a mere 60 seconds the Law of Attraction immediately begins to manifest it. What you focus on you get more of and what your attention rests on expands!
How To Live The Success You Really Want
The things you have in mind for yourself, all those dreams, you’re living them – right.
Well since you’ve read all about what success is and how to get it, now you are a success, right.
OK, I know, you’re not yet living with all that you want, but you have read all about success, so you know everything about it, right.
So, if you know about success, what’s holding you back?
Why are you living with anxiety, depression and low self-esteem rather than happiness, joy, positive thinking and high self-esteem?
There seems to be a gap between knowing about something and your actual assimilation of it into your own life. Why is this?
Learning is an interesting thing. Most people think they learn a lot in school and from all the books they have read. This is not actually the case, particularly when it comes to developing your daily thinking and your behavior patterns.
Think about this; even if you went to collage, how much of what you needed for your first job did you really get from the college learning experience. Didn’t you still find that the real learning began on the job?
It’s always this way, real learning, what you use to form your predominant thoughts and the routine actions you take came from modeling others. When you started that first job, you copied and followed what others were doing, sure there was some explanation, but most of your knowledge and skills came from watching and following others.
Most employers know that you are in a training period for a while after you start, even if you have been in the field for a while. My personal experience from working in small companies which you may be able to relate to, was that there was very little formal training, it was almost all from modeling others and my own abilities to apply my past experience to the present situation.
As you developed in a trade or career, how did you continue to enhance your abilities? Mostly in two ways, you continued to pick up on more details, tricks, methods and processes from others, or you developed them yourself using the knowledge you had acquired up to that point.
Formal learning and books gives us background on a subject and possibly somewhat of an understanding of the topic, but the real learning comes from watching the example of others along with our own actual personal experience and integration.
Let’s look at how you learned as a child?
Again, you mainly copied those close to you, at first primarily from your parents and siblings.
As you get older you are more and more influenced by piers, school and activity mates, and then by people you admire.
This all goes on for the most part automatically without your awareness or control. Your mind is perfectly capable of copying language skills, behavior patters, mannerisms, attitudes and ways of perceiving things, all with out the need of your conscious thought.
This capacity to model others is the most powerful and automatic learning method humans have. You didn’t have to study, read or memorize anything to learn most of what guides your moment to moment thoughts and actions. You did it by following what others did.
The most powerful mode of learning is live human interaction. You actually watch what they do, with full human interaction, using all of your senses.
The next, almost as effective mode is hearing someone describing what and how they do what they do. With this you get the power of what comes through their voice, including all the emotional and attitudinal nuances that are reflected through their speech. Hearing directly from the person actually doing the thing is more affective than having it told by another.
The least effective method for learning thought patterns and behaviors, which can’t actually be termed as modeling, is to read about it. This method does not provide any connection to true real human interaction. You are relying totally on your interpretation of printed text and imagination to gain usable value. Reading is a good way to get a basic idea about something. But just like with your formal education, you need to be around others to effectively assimilate it for your own use.
Ask yourself this, looking at yourself, how many people have you modeled directly versus those you have read about?
The more of your senses that are involved the better your ability to assimilate the behavior into your life. You are touched by the whole person rather than by a description of them.
Find people who are successful in life to model the kind of thought and behavior that will support the life you want for yourself. Learning from modeling can really only be considered when done live or through voice communication, otherwise it’s just studying ‘about’ them.
You need to get the nuances and the essence of the feelings behind their thoughts and actions, if you hope to actually take on those attributes yourself. The power of communication is in the emotional undertones that are unknowingly transferred.
This is where you will understand the self-awareness level, the positive attitude and thinking, the self-confidence, and motivation behind what they do that you can use yourself to support your actions.
Look for more than what is seen as the surface communication, and you will find a powerful self-improvement resource for yourself.
Your dreams are readily possible when you support them with the right thoughts and actions.
Impossible is Just a Word
Everyone, at some point of his or her life, has dreamt of being somebody special, somebody big. Who hasn’t fantasized about being the one who hits the game-winning homer? Who hasn’t dreamt of being the homecoming queen? And how many times have we dreamt of being rich, or successful, or happy with our relationships?
Often, we dream big dreams and have great aspirations. Unfortunately, our dreams remain just that – dreams. And our aspirations easily collect dust in our attic.
This is a sad turn of events in our life. Instead of experiencing exciting adventures in self actualization, we get caught up in the humdrum of living from day-to-day just barely existing.
But you know what? Life could be so much better, if only we learned to aim higher.
The most common problem to setting goals is the word impossible. Most people get hung up thinking I can’t do this. It’s too hard. It’s too impossible. No one can do this.
However, if everyone thought that, there would be no inventions, no innovations, and no breakthroughs in human accomplishment.
Remember that scientists were baffled when they took a look at the humble bumblebee. Theoretically, they said, it was impossible for the bumblebee to fly. Unfortunately for the bumblebee no one has told it so. So fly it does.
On the other hand, some people suffer from dreaming totally outrageous dreams and not acting on them. The result? Broken dreams, and tattered aspirations.
If you limit yourself with self-doubt, and self-limiting assumptions, you will never be able to break past what you deem impossible. If you reach too far out into the sky without working towards your goal, you will find yourself clinging on to the impossible dream.
Try this exercise. Take a piece of paper and write down some goals in your life. Under one header, list down things ‘you know you can do’. Under another header, write the things ‘you might be able to do.’ And under one more, list the things that that are ‘impossible for you to do.’
Now look at all the headers strive every day to accomplish the goals that are under things ‘you know you can do’. Check them when you are able to accomplish them. As you slowly are able to check all of your goals under that heading, try accomplishing the goals under the other header-the one that reads ‘you might be able to do.’
As of the items you wrote under things I could do are accomplished, you can move the goals that are under things that are ‘impossible for you to do’ to the list of things ‘you might be able to do.’
As you iterate through this process, you will find out that the goals you thought were impossible become easier to accomplish. And the impossible begin to seem possible after all.
You see, the technique here is not to limit your imagination. It is to aim high, and start working towards that goal little by little. However, it also is unwise to set a goal that is truly unrealistic.
Those who just dream towards a goal without working hard end up disappointed and disillusioned.
On the other hand, if you told someone a hundred years ago that it was possible for man to be on the moon, they would laugh at you. If you had told them that you could send mail from here to the other side of the world in a few seconds, they would say you were out of your mind. But, through sheer desire and perseverance, these impossible dreams are now realities.
Thomas Edison once said that genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration. Nothing could be truer. For one to accomplish his or her dreams, there has to be had work and discipline. But take note that that 1% has to be a think-big dream, and not some easily accomplished one.
Ask any gym rat and he or she will tell you that there can be no gains unless you are put out of your comfort zone. Remember the saying, “No pain, no gain”? That is as true as it can be.
So dream on, friend! Don’t get caught up with your perceived limitations. Think big and work hard to attain those dreams. As you step up the ladder of progress, you will just about find out that the impossible has just become a little bit more possible.
Plan Your Success
Early in my career, I was told, “Most people have a business plan, but the problem is they don’t work their plan.” The same may be said of New Year resolutions. How many promises did you make to yourself and on how many of them will you follow through?
One major problem is sometimes too many goals are set. Another issue may be the one goal is so dramatic it would consume all of your time to achieve. In fact, it may be so huge, it becomes overwhelming. At this stage, not only will you not work on this idea, but the state of overwhelm will prevent you from achieving your other simpler goals.
For example, if you wanted to get known nationwide this year, you would have to undertake major public relations strides to accomplish this. It would entail speaking everywhere you could, demonstrating your expertise, contacting as much of the media as possible and the continuation of being seen and heard in every manner known to mankind.
At the same time, you still have all of the other avenues of your business to contend with as the CEO of your own company. How do you combat this dilemma?
In my mind, I equated a large year-long project with a one-a-day vitamin. My suggestion is to break down the public relations strategies into do-able tasks. First, outline absolutely everything you can think of that will need to be tried and completed for you to feel 100% successful. Then prioritize the steps in order of what will take the longest to complete.
Begin with the most difficult and time-consuming tasks first. The reasoning here is two-fold. First, you have the most excitement the beginning of the year, as in, “I’m really going to do it this time!” So it will be easier to tackle the difficult assignment now. Second, if you begin a long project at the end of the year, you may not complete it on time and you will feel you have let yourself down.
Now that you know which task to begin, complete at minimum, one step of it each day dependent upon how much time you can devote to the project. This is where I liken the process to the one-a-day vitamin.
One task a day devoted to your highest priority will give you renewed energy to keep on going! You will feel excitement coming your way and the Adrenalin will be flowing. Your project will become easier and more joyful each day as you complete a task.
As you become accustomed to the daily routine of working on your big project, it will be easier to squeeze in a couple of the smaller tasks too. Within several months, you begin to feel as if you are making strides in getting known and the other areas of your business are growing too. In fact, as all areas of your business build together, new business will come your way with far less effort.
When you work strategically, the worry diminishes and the smiles return to your face. At the same time, be certain to help those who need your area of expertise or who want to follow in your footsteps. Your new demeanor will attract new clients as you are happy, confident and apparently successful. You will also build repeat business, referrals and testimonials – all essential ingredients for success.
Every few months you will be able to see and measure you progress. Mid-year, you should be feeling fairly popular. By the end of the year, you will have succeeded and be known nationwide!
Additional ideas to build business:
– The end of each week review each day’s accomplishment
– On Friday devise a plan for the daily tasks for the following week
– As the difficult tasks complete, incorporate the simpler ones
– Increase your dosage of vitamins or daily tasks as the routine simplifies
– Share your good news of accomplishments
– Vow to keep taking your business vitamins year after year
The end result of paying excellent attention to your plan is it will succeed, and Your Profits Will Soar!
The Way You Think About Yourself
If you think you are a loser, you train or work like a loser i.e. sloppily and half-heartedly. If you think you are a winner you train like one i.e. with maximum focus, great expectations, excitement and consistent effort. This article takes a look at why people think like winners or losers and what they can do about it.
Steve Siebold describes in his recent book -“177 Mental Toughness Secrets of the World Class” – how he wanted to be a tennis champion. He had all the talent and the desire necessary but at times he lacked the belief that he was a potential champion. He writes:
“When I believed I was a champion, I trained like a champion. When I believed I was washed up, I trained like a loser.”
When he was only ten years old, he defeated nearly everyone he played and, as a result, was thinking like a champion. He expected to win and so he trained and worked hard as winners should.
As he grew older his rankings started to drop and he no longer expected to win and so he started training like a loser instead of a winner.
He still had the desire to be a champion but so do lots of people. He believes that what made the difference was his belief in himself or his lack of it.
He lost some of his belief in himself through associating too much with what he calls the ‘middle class’ instead of the ‘world class’. The middle class are too easily satisfied with mediocre results. The world class are only content when they become champions in whatever they are doing whether it be playing tennis or making money.
When I went to school at the age of 11, I worked hard and did all the work set with full attention and the desire to do well. I did so well that the principal of the school suggested I move up a whole year.
This was a mistake. I now came under the influence of class mates who did not like the fact that I had jumped a year. Some of them called me a swat and a bighead. Maybe they were right but I don’t think so. Working hard was frowned on by this bunch.
They changed my thinking about myself so much that instead of thinking of myself as a champion student, I saw myself as some kind of a freak for working so hard. My effort dropped along with my self-image. Never underestimate the influence of those around you. I was lucky in the end to pass my exams and get to university.
It has taken me many years to regain belief in myself. I was helped by the great American positive thinkers like Norman Vincent Peale, Frank Bettger and William James.
One English writer who has also helped greatly in this is the multimillionaire Stuart Goldsmith. His book ‘The Midas Method’ explains how most of us are brainwashed at an early age into thinking there is an invisible ceiling to our progress which we will never break through.
Once we realize that this ceiling is only a figment of the imagination of ourselves and our so-called ‘friends’, we will be able to break through our limitations and achieve world class results which will astonish us.
We need to re-examine our beliefs about ourselves and to realize that many of them originated in the beliefs of people who thought that great results were only for the few and that our dreams were just ‘pie in the sky’.
Instead of listening to the middle class or the poverty class (those who are not even aware of the possibility that they could be champions), let’s start listening to the world class. Let’s replace negative beliefs about ourselves with empowering ones and then start working hard to achieve our dreams.
We don’t need a degree in psychology to do all this. A little bit of commonsense and observation can show us the way. It also helps to read the books of people like Steve Siebold and Stuart Goldsmith and – if I dare say it without being called a bighead – myself!
You may or may not have access to world class neighbours or friends but you do have easy access to world class writers and thinkers through the media of books, audios and video tapes. The internet has, of course, widened that access exponentially.
It is high time you and I joined the world class and made the most of the championship potential which is there in all of us.
The Nasty Ten: 10 Ways To Disrupt Your Success
From time to time, we are all guilty of behaviors that hinder our own success. If you commit the following blunders, you will be undermining your own success.
1. Forget your goals and visions, or not having them at all. What do you want to achieve in your business, in the short and long term? What do you visualize enjoying after you have achieved these goals – financial security, better life styles, a new home or car, a holiday? Set specific goals and the activities you will need to undertake in order to achieve these goals. If you do not set down specific goals, or if you forget about them during your journey towards success, then you are sabotaging your success.
2. Lose confidence in yourself. You have the goals, but most importantly you will need the confidence that you can do it!
3. Lack of knowledge or stop learning. You do not need to physically go back to college to learn. There are now various channels through which you can learn. Often, what you need to succeed personally or financially is not learnt in a university degree! Search for personal and financial development training programs, and equip yourself with the knowledge and tools you will need to become successful. Successful people never stop learning; in fact they tend to have an insatiable desire for knowledge. Search the internet, find the best learning programs, read books – just learn, learn and learn. Invest a little in educating yourself as this will help you achieve your goals.
4. Think that you can become successful without any investment. This is a common reason why people fail to become successful. Everyone wants something for nothing! Well, if it is something that will make you a millionaire, then you must be prepared to invest some money and effort into it. No genuine long term business can thrive without initial capital outlay and consistent investment, whether they are an on- or off-line business. There are some genuine businesses which you can start and run with minimal capital outlay, but they do still need some money to grow them. Being cheap is not recommended, and it will not get you anywhere near your goals of becoming wealthy and successful.
5. Fear of failure. This is the toxic failing that keeps a lot of people away from their dreams of becoming successful. I like the quote which says “Defeat is not the worst of failures. Not to have tried is the true failure”. If you face a temporary setback on your quest towards success; learn from it, pick yourself up and soldier on towards your dreams. “Develop success from failures. Discouragement and failure are two of the surest stepping stones to success”.
6. Procrastination. Yet another nasty one! Taking action TODAY is the foundational key to all success. By procrastinating, you are missing chances to be the best you can be; to make money, and to be successful. Get rid of all the bad habits that waste your time, break down your tasks to small manageable bits, visualize the end result of your project – do all that you can to fight this deadly habit that can keep you away from your goals.
7. Lack of focus. You can have clearly laid out goals on the success you want to achieve, but if you do not have focus, you will soon sabotage your success. There are a lot of ‘business opportunities’ that will arrive in your inbox daily – most of which are scams, no matter how genuine and promising they sound. When you are starting your online business, you can also easily become overloaded with information. Well, in some cases the information overload can simply stop you from taking any action! The trick is to be focused. Have a list of your things to do everyday. Everyday, do something towards building your business.
8. Be easily discouraged. This is a common one. Your family or friends may not believe that you will succeed. Do not let this discourage you. It is recommended that you have a good network of positive people who can support and encourage you as you work towards your success. People will say discouraging words, discouraging things will happen around you; but it is only you who can let that get to your mind and affect you.
9. Dislike constant change. In order to be successful, you must be constantly improving yourself, your business, and your products. If you have an online business – this is even more important since the internet is very dynamic. Stay on top of recent developments and be constantly learning new ways of running and growing your business.
10. Lack of dedication. This is the vital one. If you want something badly enough, it will be yours. A lot of people fail because they do not have the necessary desire to become successful.
In conclusion, I will share with you these quotes on success:
“Success isn’t a result of spontaneous combustion. You must set yourself on fire”.
“What is success? I think it is a mixture of having a flair for the thing that you are doing; knowing that it is not enough, that you have got to have hard work and a certain sense of purpose”.
“A successful man is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks others have thrown at him”.
“Flaming enthusiasm, backed up by horse sense and persistence, is the quality that most frequently makes for success”.
Go get it, and be successful!
The root cause for procrastination
Why is it that we as human beings often behave in ways that we don’t really want to? How often have you said or done something only to cringe at the thought of it afterwards? The truth is that your behaviour is mostly driven by your unconscious mind, especially behaviours that is hard to explain from an intellectual point of view.
Procrastination is knowing what to do, having the ability and desire to do it, but still you don’t do it. Although there are many apparent causes for procrastination, the root cause for this illogical behavior resides in your unconscious mind.
Your conscious mind is very limited in its ability to deal with life. That over which you have conscious control is mostly limited to one thing at a time. This is why using your willpower to create any real change rarely works long term.
What you need to do is to change your automatic behavior which resides in your unconscious mind, that part of you that controls all the vital function of your mind and body. You can try and overcome procrastination by using willpower but it will usually be a short term change.
The cause for procrastination is not your conscious actions, but your unconscious associations that is to a large extent responsible for your behavior.
Your nervous system is designed to preserve you and when fear presents itself your nervous system, through the working of your sub-conscious, will “kick in” to “protect you. The ironic thing is that we train ourselves, unconsciously, to fear certain things by making false associations about the meaning.
Nothing in life has any meaning but the meaning you give it. You literally create neurological links to experiences that gets “stored” in your nervous system so that you can act quickly and accordingly next time. Whenever something happens to you, you assign a meaning to it by the way you communicate the experience to yourself.
Unconsciously you are always trying to establish meaning and at a very basic level you are trying to establish whether something means pain or pleasure. This meaning then gets stored in your unconscious mind that will help you act (or re-act) appropriately in the future.
The challenge is that when associations are reinforced you build up beliefs that will greatly influence your behavior and is often the cause for procrastination.
Although procrastination makes no sense intellectually it actually reveals a lot about your unconscious and your self imposed limitations and (in)abilities. The major cause for procrastination is fear, and more specifically your fear that taking action will lead to pain or a painful experience of some kind.
At some level your unconscious mind combines and searches it’s “files” to come up with a “link” that associates the action to a painful experience. This can range from something which is mildly uncomfortable to something physically painful.
Although you consciously want to do something your unconscious will prevent you as it associates pain to the action. As human beings we automatically reach for comfort and will almost automatically reach for whatever feels comfortable in the moment.
This is why you often procrastinate on tasks that do not feel good in the moment although it will mean much more pleasure in the future.
Learning to push against this need for comfort is what creates all the growth that is necessary for you to really produce results. When you start to see procrastination as a blessing in disguise; you can start to use it and embrace the behavioral insights it holds for you.
Procrastination reveals your fears and, quite by design, gives you the necessary resistance needed to expand and grow in your capacity to push past your fears and create the things you really want for your life.
The quality of your life is in direct proportion to the amount of “discomfort” you can comfortably deal with. Procrastination can also shed some light on the goals that you value most, as your concern over procrastinating on it shows that some part of you care enough to be concerned.
It’s been said that first we form our habits and then our habits form us. This is also true for habits of mind and procrastination often manifests itself as a habitual pattern of thinking. Your thoughts lead to and help create your actions.
Like the engraved pattern on a record your behavior will “play the same tune” every time. Your associations to pain and pleasure play an important part in your habitual behavior in that it determines what you will or will not do. By repetition you form habitual patterns of thinking that will cause you to automatically act or retract in certain ways when your habit pattern gets triggered.
Being aware of your associations to pain and pleasure is critical in dealing with the root cause of procrastination. There are many symptomatic solutions that will not create a lasting result. Although you have to use your willpower initially, your aim is to re-establish your associations to the tasks you are avoiding.
You can be, do or have whatsoever your heart desires providing that you can overcome your self imposed fears and take action. Although the real cause for procrastination resides in your unconscious mind, you are ultimately in control with your conscious actions.
What Makes People Successful?
What do successful people do that others don’t?
What motivates them to keep going?
Can anyone be successful?
What makes them different from others?
Successful people are confident, honest and driven.
These are attitudes, not skill.
Our attitude can improve our skills so we need to change our attitudes and become more focused and driven.
Our minds find it impossible to store all the information it receives in a day and so it deletes the unnecessary detail. So you need to change your attitude to your business or your life. You need to set goals, concentrate on knowing what you want to achieve and work towards achieving your goals.
But your goals need to be SMART goals:
Specific – know exactly what you want
Measurable – be able to follow the progress
Achievable – be within your capabilities
Realistic – be possible to do
Time – you must make the time to do it
You need to know exactly what your goals are, be able to set a plan and follow it, be achievable for you (e.g. don’t attempt to be a brain surgeon if you can’t stand the sight of blood), be possible to do (e.g. don’t try and think you can fly) and you must be prepared to put in the time to achieve your goals, or have the time to do it.
Seeing Things As They Are
Some days start off great and just get better while others start off bad and get worse.
Why is this?
It all depends on your attitude and what you’re focusing on. If you’re in a bad mood then everything will seem bad because you’re focusing on it.
It’s just the same with your goals. If you focus on missing them, then you will.
You see, our brain never hears the word ‘wont’ or ‘don’t’. That’s why children always do what you tell them not to. They never hear the word ‘don’t’.
So if you focus on not missing your goal by thinking ‘I won’t fail’, then you will. Instead, tell yourself, ‘I will succeed’.
Children learn faster than adults because they have no fear of ridicule or failure.
Children always look on the bright side:
Kids are curious – Adults are cynical
Kids love puddles – Adults hate rain
Babies learn to walk by setting a goal and working towards it. When they fall down they adopt a different strategy, such as holding onto the furniture, and then they keep going and learning. We should take a leaf out of a baby’s book, so to speak.
Never say ‘I can’t do this.’ Just take notice of what’s not working and change strategies. This will move you closer to your goal.
What else stops you from achieving our goals?
Your beliefs can hinder you or help you, but they can only help you if you understand that they are only beliefs.
Events don’t shape your life. It’s your interpretation of these events that shapes your life.
Your beliefs and certainties have the power to expand or destroy your true potential.
Beliefs are limiting, so it’s important to understand that they are only beliefs and not reality.
The past does not equal the future. Just because you haven’t achieved something in the past doesn’t mean you can’t achieve it in the future.
You need to question your beliefs and where they come from.
Remember, you can change – but not if you believe you can’t.
Focus on what your limiting beliefs have stopped you from achieving. Change whatever is limiting you.
If you believe you’ll win, then you will.
Remember that you don’t have to be 100% successful in everything you do to be successful. Every step you take to achieve your goal is a success. And if something goes wrong, just chalk it up to experience – we learn from our experiences.
Things You Can Do Right Now
Always ask yourself:
What did I do well today?
What did I learn today?
What am I going to do differently tomorrow?
Never avoid failure.
Stride for success.
Keep trying different strategies.
We slump when depressed and sit tall when we feel successful. Adopting these postures can affect our attitude and state of mind.
How you feel on the inside can affect how you look on the outside and this can influence people around you. What you focus your mind on affects your body language. Therefore you can change your state of mind by changing your posture. So when you feel depressed, adopt the upright posture of a successful person.
People and circumstances can also affect your state of mind, but this can be controlled. Instead of giving up letting external factors control your state of mind, adopt a positive attitude, stand tall and refuse to be influenced by negative things around you.
This is easier said than done because our responses are learned and our unconscious mind cannot always distinguish what is and isn’t real.
For instance; if you raise your hand to your mouth and imagine you’re sucking a lemon, you’ll wince. The lemon may be imaginary, but your mind has a conditioned response which makes you wince.
Therefore, never forget:
If you think you can’t achieve something, then you wont.
If you think you can achieve something, then nothing will stand in your way.
Why Are You Not Achieving Your Goals
Is your goal setting making you unhappy?
Have you ever created a goal and got frustrated because of it?
Are you trapping yourself with your goal setting strategies?
Now is the time to learn better strategies that will take you straight to success while having fun during the process of getting there because when you apply this advice you will get there!
A goal is something you want to have or something you want to change in your life. It is basically a project you can manage in a smart way so that in the end you’ll find yourself where you wanted to be when you stated your goal, and began to take steps towards making it happen.
But first it starts out in your mind and adopting better thinking strategies followed by powerful action actually will ensure your success, which is what you want… do you not?
Many if not most of the people make New Year’s resolutions and set up goals to quit shortly after that because they feel unhappy and frustrated. The reason is, they constantly compare their actual unsatisfying situation with the ideal goal they want to reach and the only thing they can see is the wide gap between the two places.
You feel unhappy and you end up spending lots of energy to keep you constantly motivated when you don’t feel like doing anything because it is impossible to be motivated all the time. And before long you quit!
In other words, if you delay any kind of gratification or feelings of satisfaction until the ideal goal is completely achieved, you are actually making sure you will not accomplish your goal. Some goals can’t be achieved over night so the more you delay the good feelings you think you’ll have when you achieve your final goal, the more difficult it will become to achieve. It is that simple!
There is another aspect of unsuccessful goal setting, watch out! If you decide you are a success only and only if you shed off these 30 pounds or when you are a millionaire, perhaps when you buy that Mercedes and have it standing in your drive way, then you are trapped in a place where there is not escape, as you will be denying yourself any good feelings to keep going… unless you do it the way I am about to share with you.
If you wanted to cross over a river, you would use a bridge to walk on until you reach the other side and if you wanted to grab something that sits on a high shelf you would use a ladder, so why would accomplishing a goal be any different?
Now, what can you do differently and in the present moment to ensure your goals will be successfully accomplished and with fun?
Pick a goal: what do you want?
It can be anything but let’s take the example of a weight loss goal.
Solution 1: make a power decision. What is the first thing you will notice when heading towards your goal? What is the first success?
You want to shed off 20 pounds so if you notice that you shed 2 pounds on your way, congratulate yourself and keep going. Do more of the things you notice bring about success.
Build a bridge between where you were when you started and your final goal. You simply make smaller steps and these little goals will be easy to achieve. The result will surprise you because it will lead you straight to your wished big goal. Keep going and keep rewarding yourself and feeling good about what you’ve already achieved while feeling certain that sooner or later you will be at your final destination!
Solution 2: keep a journal of your progress and successive successes on the way to your goal. People tend to forget what they have already achieved and where they were when they started their journey towards a goal, so by keeping it all written down you can go back any time and see how far you’ve come already and that will keep you on track and highly motivated. It makes the whole project fun and worth going for.
These two important strategies will show you that you are a success and that you don’t have to wait for any final result to feel good about it or about yourself. In fact whatever feelings you think or believe you will have when your goal has manifested in the real world, start on your way by having them right now and build your bridge to success from then on.
What you’ve learned so far to achieve a goal with success is this: it is very helpful to have a concrete and easy way to track your progress. Find a way to make your goal as concrete as possible and break it down to smaller steps you can accomplish with success.
And to make your goal achievement even easier and more of a success follow these steps:
Choose a goal
Check whether the goal is good for you and will enrich your life
Find the resources that will help you achieve your goal: information, people to help you, advice…
Prioritize your goal so you keep hitting your target until you hit it finally
Track your goal, the progress and success journal will help you with that
The freedom to change or even discard your goal if you don’t want it anymore or if it no longer suits you
What now? If you have goals that you’ve already started working on, make them easy to track and start your progress and success journal. Walk the bridge step by successful step, all the way to your final success!
Why People Fail
Some people don’t really know what it is they want. Many define what they want by stating what they don’t want. The result, they get exactly what they don’t want. Why because instead of focusing on what they do want they are focused on what they don’t want.
I recently discovered this while having a disciplinary discussion with our eleven year old daughter. The discussion was about her behavior and why it is wrong. What’s funny about this is we had this exact same discussion less than sixty days prior.
During this discussion I realized that my daughter did not think she was doing anything wrong, she believed she was acting according to what was acceptable for an eleven year old.
I had to think about this for a bit because she did not understand that it is not OK to misbehave. I got the idea to use an example and ask her what she thought about it.
I said, “A person robs a bank, is caught and goes to jail. As soon as that person gets out they rob another bank is caught and goes to jail again. Gets out robs yet another bank and goes to jail. What do you think about this?” “There’s a problem,” was her answer.
Then I said to her, “You are the person robbing the bank”. The look on her face was utter devastation. I then explained to her that when she misbehaves it’s like the person robbing the bank. The robber did not want to go to jail but that is what he/she got, exactly what they didn’t want. That’s what you get every time you misbehave; you get everything that you don’t want. The logic was inescapable.
If you focus on the things you don’t want, you are going to get what you focus on. Now that might seem like it’s backwards but in reality that is exactly what many people do and they don’t understand why they continually get the results they get.
Your mind attracts to you that which is the center of your focus. If your focus is on what you don’t want you will get that which you focus on. While the above example is a bit extreme the point is you attract to you what you think about. My daughter said she was always thinking about not getting into trouble, what did she get?
It is extremely important to be specific about what you want as well. It is not enough to say you want more money; you must be specific about the amount of more money you want. If you make $40,000 a year, your subconscious mind thinks that $40,001 is more money which it is and therefore you have reached your goal.
Your efforts to get more fail because you’re now thinking I don’t want $40,001 I want more. If you want to lose weight, loosing 1 pound to your subconscious mind is achieving your goal, you lost weight.
Now you might be thinking “I want to make more money and in the back of your mind more money means $50,000 a year, but all you say is more money. See the difference?
You must be specific and say next year I want to make $50,000 or I want to lose 20 pounds in three months. You must know exactly what it is you want or you will fail to get it.
How to make your dreams a reality.
You must know exactly what it is you want.
You must know every detail, how having what you want will make you feel. What having what you want will do for you, give you more status, more prestige, raise your standard of living. You must know every detail or you will stumble along the way and feel like a failure.
You must have a time frame in mind.
You need to set a date by which you expect to have gained the object of your focus. If you desire to fit those designer jeans by springtime and you need to lose 15 pounds, set a date by which you expect to have lost the weight. Then using a series of smaller goals, affirm to lose 1 to 2 pounds per week by mapping out a diet to cut out 500 calories a day.
Your desire must be measurable.
First start out with the end result clearly in mind. You should start out with a series of smaller obtainable goals. Success with these smaller goals fuels your confidence towards achieving a larger goal. Then have something to Gage your success by.
Starting with the end result, work backwards in detail until you get to the starting point where you will set out to achieve you goal. This gives you the exact steps you need to take to achieve your goal. Each step should lead you closer to obtaining your desired result. This becomes your ruler, check to see if you are on course.
Always write out your goals.
Writing your goals out is another way to check if you have strayed from the course. It gives you something to follow. Write your goals out and read them daily. We have billions of thoughts per day and a goal is just another thought.
Writing it down helps to keep that thought in mind instead of it being replaced by one of the other billions of thoughts. It also helps with your commitment to your goal. Seeing it daily reaffirms it in your mind.
Get a success partner.
One way to insure success with obtaining any goal is to have a partner. Someone who will encourage you and help you stay on course. It’s important to have someone who will stand by you and not someone who will try to discourage you.
Evaluate your progress.
Are you making headway? If not, why not? Adjust your plan to meet your long-term goal. Are you meeting your weekly or monthly weight loss goals? If not, determine what might be the problem. Add another half hour of walking each week or cut out second helpings.
Challenge yourself through adversity.
That means work hard, push yourself and feel a little discomfort if it means helping you reach your goals. Understand and acknowledge that change is not easy. If it were, you would have already achieved your goal. We tend to revert to previous behaviors when change gets difficult. Now is the time to develop new life behaviors.
You have a choice in what you get or don’t get. You choose to have success or you choose to have failure. There is nothing in between the two except you. What you choose to think about will be what you get. Focus on failure and no amount of effort will bring you the success you desire. The thing to do is focus your mind on success.
Power Of Concentration
Did you ever stop to think what an important part your thoughts, I mean real concentrated thoughts, play in your life?
The ability to concentrate all your attention is so important, no matter what task or job you have to get done… as nothing great or significant can be accomplished without proper effort and concentration.
And almost all of us have some sort of difficulty in the concentration of our attention.
Workers in business and industry, students in high school and college, and even professors in universities, complain of the same difficulty.
It is said that the power to concentrate all your attention is vital as it stands at the very centre of most (if not all) mental activity. No matter from what angle we view the mind, its excellence always seems to depend upon the power to concentrate all our attention.
Concentration may be defined as being that state of mind in which the entire energies of the individual, physical as well as mental, are focused upon the thing they are doing or thinking. All actions and all thoughts NOT connected with what they are doing or thinking are kept out of the mind…
If we examine a growing child, one of the first things we will see is the power they have in them to “pay attention or to notice things”.
When we examine the ability of normal adults we do so by means of tests that require close concentration of attention, and we regard anyone who is able to maintain close focused and concentrated attention for long periods of time as a person of strong mind or will.
So real concentration may be broken down into just 2 parts:
1. The voluntary focusing of all our power and attention in the selecting of certain objects to be attended to.
2. And the ignoring of other objects which act as distractions.
But even in spite of our most careful provisions, there will still be distractions which cannot be eliminated. For example, you cannot stop the noise of planes flying over or cars driving past while you are trying to work, plan or study.
And you cannot build a fence around the thoughts and focus of your mind so as to keep out unwanted and irrelevant ideas… the best thing you can do is to accept the inevitable that the presence of some distractions will always exist, and to realise that in order to concentrate and pay attention properly, it is necessary to form the habit of ignoring these distractions.
You can simply start out by making a strong determined effort to ignore all distractions… practise ignoring them, and try your best not to let a slip occur.
Also at the same time, try to develop interest in the object you are concentrating all your attention on, because we tend to pay more attention to those things in which we are most interested.
It’s easy for any one to say, “concentrate”… but you need to know exactly how to concentrate. Remember that to concentrate is merely the act of applying your entire body and mind, to the task or action in hand.
Every effort of the mind, whether it’s to…
• Perceive something
• Recollect something
• Associate something
• Imagine something
• Even to judge something
Must all involve some concentration of the faculties of the mind upon that particular action, task or act, whatever it may be!
As you start to develop a firm interest in your field of work or study, and as you develop the habit of ignoring distractions – you will be able to concentrate your powers of attention with less and less effort.
Another important fact to note is that as you develop the power to select objects for the concentration of all your attention, you also develop (at the same time) other mind power processes − you will improve the ability to memorize and recall much more, to fine tune and manage better your time and effort.
And also the power to control your future thoughts and actions…
In short “developing your power to concentrate and focus all your attention means developing power in all the mental processes”. With that being said, we want to finish by giving you,
The 2 TOP Keys Of Concentration
For every one of us, concentration will always mean,
1. Selecting and focusing on what is most important to us, and disregarding what is not… and also knowing which tasks and jobs have top priority.
2. You must identify for yourself what is most important and essential to you – and try to filter out everything else.
These are the two main steps towards developing strong concentration… recognizing the essential… and leaving out the non-essential.
Your Success: Obtainable or Sustainable?
The desire to consistently improve your life is one of your most fundamental needs. That feeling that comes from knowing that everyday you are becoming more is part of your nature. Knowing that you are affecting and improving your environment through your own influence is immensely satisfying.
It is a key ingredient in living a happy and fulfilled life. At some level we are all pursuing success of some sort. We are constantly looking for ways to have more, to be more and to gain more, thinking that once we “have it all” we will be happy and life will be perfect. Then, we can take it easy and relax and just enjoy life.
This way of thinking, this mindset, acts like a virus that can “kill” you. If not emotionally then spiritually. Our modern culture is filled with numerous examples of top achievers who seemingly have everything but they are deeply unhappy and constantly have to battle with the challenges within their own character.
They fail to grasp the true purpose of success. From it’s Latin origin, the word success actually means “to advance” or “to progress” which implies that success is not “something” you get at the end but a process that has very little to do with the end result.
From this point of view success is what will improve your life as it is what moves you forward to a better experience of life.
In their pursuit of a greater quality of life most people lose sight of the real reason why they actually want to be successful in the first place. It is never the “things” but rather the way you believe these things will make you feel once you’ve got them.
Your success will be either obtainable or sustainable. Most of your desires will be obtainable within your lifetime but this no guarantee that you will be happy and fulfilled. When you strive for collecting and accumulating “things” you will experience very little fulfillment as you will always rely on something external to give you the feelings that you want to experience inside you; feelings that you believe will come from having what you pursue.
The real purpose of a goal is never to obtain something of material value but rather the qualities that you will gain as a person in your pursuit of the goal. For you to have success that is sustainable you must develop a new mindset; a mindset that focuses not on what you must do to get what you want, but on what you must become to attract that which you want.
What you become is what you get to keep. When you shift your focus to developing your character, you can start to use goals and success as a means to an end instead of it being the end-all and be-all of life. You start to distance yourself from the need to have “stuff” in order to feel that sense of joy and fulfillment.
Knowing that you can be successful is not enough. You want the experience of success. You that feeling of success as a part of who you are as a person; as part of your character. When your success is obtainable, when you are able to collect the things, then your experience of success rarely lasts very long.
There is no consistency in the experience. So often we see amazing success stories of young achievers that reach all their goals in a short period of time, only to break down emotionally soon after. The reason is that they haven’t learned the key to lasting success which is the ability to create success in your life that is sustainable.
Sustainable success is inexhaustible. It is consistent and takes care of itself. With the qualities and attributes that you learned through the experience of pursuing your goal you are able to re-create any achievement as you are the source.
The concept of obtainable and sustainable success is best illustrated with Aesop’s fable of the Goose and the Golden Egg. The goose as the source of the gold could consistently produce the gold, but the farmer out of his impatience and ignorance wanted it all and he wanted it now.
So, he cut open the goose only to find out that there is nothing. The moral of the story is that you should nurture and develop yourself in order to sustain your happiness and success. If your focus is just on obtaining goals you will not get any more “golden eggs” as the real value is in what you become and how that makes you feel.
You can either obtain success or you can become it. The objective is the same but the mindset is very different. You can either get the “things” that will make you feel successful or you can become the source of your own success and fulfillment.
You want lasting results and this will only come from your ability to create and re-create, on demand, that what you wish to experience during your time on earth. Adopting the mentality of creating lasting success, of becoming sustainable, starts with realizing that true success comes from giving and not getting.
In the giving lies the “getting” in that what you give away is what you get to experience and your experience is what you get to keep forever. Ultimately, to sustain anything you must give and receive for this is the very nature of growth and life itself.
Success is a feeling and in making that feeling part of who you are, you will never be without success and you will never be left wanting anything outside of you.
Let go of your need to obtain “stuff” and focus on the experience of life and the emotional content of your life. Improve yourself by pursuing goals that will make of you the kind of person that manifest that which you want most.
That which you obtain will eventually disappear and lose its value. That which you sustain will grow and expand and continue to increase the quality of your magnificent life. Obtainable success is static and like anything in nature that does not grow it will eventually die.